I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week. Not to be a bad feminist or anything, but I’m glad no one lets me rule the world, because I personally am too emotional for that. I’ve probably cried every day this week over stress related things – being tired, miscommunication, and thinking I wasn’t going to be able to book the venue of my dreams.
So far the wedding planning process has been more stressful than fun. We were supposed to put a deposit on the venue we picked yesterday, but the day before I got cold feet. Such a big decision! So much money! We’ll actually have to get married now!
I think because I’ve been on edge, Pai has been on edge too. I, admittedly, have been a horrible fiance. In the middle of everything that has already piled on, I felt like I was losing sight of him as my best friend and my fiance and the man I’m marrying in less than six months (!!! WEE !!!) I have not been a fun person to be around. I am already a sassy person. When you add stress, I get to be a sassier person. And all this time I wanted to avoid being a Bridezilla.
Yesterday Pai and I made the decision together to try to find a bigger venue because the one we had been looking at (and the one I had been wanting since before we were engaged) was going to be too small. We tried to cut the guest list down (his family is so popular!) and it was impossible to do without cutting out important people. I was at peace with the decision, but I got in my car after a lunch date of ice cream cones and just started bawling. What. is. wrong with me?! I never thought I would be this person to cry over a venue. If I do this over centerpieces, someone needs to slap me. (Not permission, just an expression.)
I called my mom who was on the other line with her sister and she said, “Can I call you back?” Sure. “Are you crying?” Yeah! (*cue sobs*). She turns into the house phone and I hear her say, “Hold on a second, the bride is crying.”
You know what would be fun? To make bets on how often someone will say that!
My sweet mama then just let me sob through everything that was wrong with me. I seriously felt SO silly over crying over a venue. I knew it was the right decision. I was at peace with it, but I felt like I was going through a breakup. With a venue. Can any other brides relate? And snowballing off of that, the dress that I wanted that everyone loved made me feel like I was gorgeous in the mirror, and shorter and stockier in the pictures. I was a mess.
I finally composed myself and went into work to be a big girl. I sent the breakup email to the venue coordinator and explained why we had to cancel. And she said, “Well, how many people are we talking? Because we can make this work. Here’s a layout of how we would fit everybody and here’s how much it would cost to have as many people as you want.”
She’s my fairy godmother.
And I get the venue of my dreams.
And we even have picked our hashtags! I’m writing all this down so when I stress out in 4 months, I can remember that it will all work out.
To those who don’t believe in the power of prayer, what I am getting ready to say may sound a little outlandish to you.
Pai and I have prayed since the beginning that this wedding, and even so our relationship and marriage, will be a testament of who God is. God cares about the little things, and we know God is super excited about our marriage, and even our wedding! He delights in His children, and He enjoys lavishing upon His children.
Two nights ago Pai said, “You have to have faith that God is going to work through this” and I was so irritated that he would say that. It made me feel like I wasn’t a good enough Christian. But I also didn’t think God truly cared about where we would get married and how we would get married. When I get like that, Pai says, “If you don’t have the faith, I’ll have the faith for the both of us.” It’s kind of dreamy. Well God showed up and proved me wrong. Like he always does.
There are so many pieces of our relationship and our lives that are little God-moments that it would take a book to write it all. But I am thankful that He is in the midst of the little things, even the wedding venue.