The 3 Friends You Want to Have as a Couple

The 3 Friends You Want to Have as a Couple

Last night Mr. M and I had one of my best friend’s from college and her boyfriend over for dinner. We spent a couple hours with good food and good conversation. After they left, while Mr. M and I were cleaning up the kitchen, I smiled to myself because this is exactly what I pictured doing as a married couple.

Before our wedding, I heard horror stories about couples that got married and fell off the face of the earth. I remember reading a blog post from Helene In Between in 2014 about the desire married people had to still be included. After reading that blog post as a single lady, I made an extra effort to ensure my married friends still felt included and were invited to the various girl’s nights, date night activities, etc.

After Mr. M and I got married, I knew there was no way we’re going to become recluses. Once or twice a month we try to have people over for dinner or we go out on a date with another couple, or we’ll have our own respective girls/guys nights.

A term Mr. M and I talked about while we were dating was the importance of dating in community. Now that we are married, I believe those values hold true even more so in marriage. When you have a community that surrounds you in you marriage, you have a support group to hold you up during the good times and the bad.

This past year I have learned so much from the community that loved on us and continues to love on us as we go through life together. Mr. M has a group of guy friends he can go to when he needs accountability, and I have a few heart friends that I lean on to tell me I’m crazy when I’m being crazy.

When we do life with other people, we find that life may not be easier, but it is more fulfilling because you’ve got a tribe of people who support you – especially when you have these three types of friends.

the 3 type of couple friends you want

The Mentors

Mentors are typically an older couple that has been married several years. They are people that live their life in such a way that you want to follow in their footsteps. Mr. M and I have a couple that mentors us. We get together every other month or so to catch up, have food, and learn from them. They are also people we can go to when we have a disagreement and we know we will get solid, biblical advice from them.

The Couple Friends

These are the friends who are your peers who are either dating, engaged, or married. They are people you can have fun and double date with. I’ve often thought that finding coupled friends as married people is like finding a new boyfriend. You ask the other couple out to dinner, you have a good time. At the end, where do you go from here? Do you set up a second hang out right then and there? Do you text them after the date to say “thanks, I had a great time!” Do you wait 3 days to text them? It’s stressful.

I recently told some of our new couple friends about the stress of finding couple friends to hang out with and played out this whole scenario for them. After we left their house, the husband texted mine and said, “We had a great time, thanks for coming over. Or should I wait and text you in 3 days?” We laughed and now we see them almost every other week. Moral to the story? Live in the awkward and you’ll make new friends.

The Heart Friends

Heart friends are the people closest to you that encourage you, push you, and tell you when you’re crazy. Every couple needs to have a heart friend they lean on when they’re feeling blue. Because I’m not interested in my husband having a best friend who is a girl (other than me) I think that heart friends are people who are the same gender as you are. But also, I spend most of my time communicating what it’s like to be in a girl’s head for my husband. Sometimes I just want to talk to a girl and have her echo and understand where I am coming from.

While I strongly believe your best friend should be your spouse, I also believe that you and your spouse need to have a close friend outside who is a safe space. I’m protective of what I say about my husband and to whom I say it. If I am struggling with something, I’m not going to complain to everyone. I am either going to speak to my mentor or my heart friend because I know they will speak the truth in love and encourage me with our marriage being the best interest at heart.

What kind of friends do you need in your life and in your relationships?

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