Why Your Marriage is the Best

 

Why You Should Think Your Marriage is the Best Marriage

I was talking to one of my good friends the other day about the tension between talking about your relationship in a healthy way versus bombarding everyone with how “perfect” your lives are.

In today’s social media society, the feed is constant. We are seeing what everyone ate, what they are wearing, and why they are celebrating this and that. Being a lifestyle blogger who likes to talk about relationships, I’m very aware about what image I set forth. I first and foremost want to honor my husband in everything I say and do – whether in person or online. So you won’t see me over here airing out our dirty laundry. In instances where I have talked about an argument or point of tension, it is always something I have first cleared with him, and I am sharing it so as to speak constructively to that issue.

Even though Mr. M and I laugh, and have healthy and constructive conversation 85% of the time, 3% of the time I’m being whiny and dramatic, and 2% of the time we do pick at each other and argue.* (The other 10% of the time is filled with important things like paying bills and watching Netflix.)

*It is here that I would like to send out a general forewarning to all single and engaged women: husbands find it funny to purposefully annoy you or hide behind doors and jump out and scare you as you’re walking up from your creepy basement.

When I was in college, I was having dinner one night with my same friend as mentioned above, and her boyfriend at the time (now husband.) She had gotten up from the table to go get something from the cafeteria, and while she walked away, her boyfriend turned to me and told me how amazing she was and how much he loved her. Listening to him talk, I found myself wishing that one day I would get to marry a man who would be as verbally affectionate about me as my friend’s boyfriend was about her.

(Fast forward four years later, and my friend is now married to her college sweetheart, and I’m married to a man who is incredibly verbally affectionate towards me and about me to other people. Anytime I hear him talk about me to someone else, it warms my heart and makes think back to that time where I got to witness that kind of love between my friend and her man.)

Why You Should Think Your Marriage is the Best Marriage

In Dating

At that time, I was not dating my husband, and since I was not yet married, it was appropriate for me to notice something that worked well in someone else’s relationship that I wanted too. I was able to see how my friends and their boyfriends treated them and see what I wanted in a healthy marriage relationship one day.

When you are single or dating someone, this is the season to observe the relationships of those around you. In the season of singleness and/or dating, this observation period is vital for the health of your marriage one day. If you see an unhealthy relationship through your friend, you know what not to do and what not to look for in a partner. Whereas if you see a character aspect you like, then you get a better idea of what characteristics you would like to see one day in your future spouse.

In Marriage

In marriage, things look a little different. Once you have said, “I do,” your goal is “till death do you part.” So when you see something you love about your friend’s relationship that is absent in your own, it would be inappropriate to dwell on that aspect in comparison to your own relationship in a negative light because it can cause resentment against your spouse.

What do I mean?

When you see something in someone else’s marriage that you want, celebrate it for their relationship. If it is something you want to bring into your relationship, ask yourself a few questions:

Why do I want to incorporate this into my relationship?

How would this positively affect my relationship with my spouse? 

What can I do to incorporate this into my marriage? 

Noticing what works in other people’s relationships is healthy and should be recognized. If it something that convicts you and makes you realize you want to be better at X,Y, and Z with your spouse, then celebrate that as you bring it into your marriage. But using others’ highlight reels as a measurement against what doesn’t work in your own relationship is a dangerous downward spiral.

Why You Should Think Your Marriage is the Best

I am a huge advocate of “If you don’t think your marriage is the best, you’re doing it wrong.” Why is that? Because I want to enjoythe uniqueness of the type of relationship Mr. M and I have. Much like those around us, our relationship cannot be duplicated. There are so many nuances and quirks that each of us bring into this relationship that can either make us laugh and draw us closer to each other, or irritate us and push us away from each other.

Let’s take working out – for instance.

I’m a super whiny work out partner. I wish I wasn’t, and I’m sure my husband wishes I wasn’t too.

But lately I’ve been bucking up and going at my work outs like a beast.

Until.

He made me do something that was hard that I didn’t want to do and I whined to him in front of all the cool strong kids at the gym. Not my finest moment, I know. But he knew what he was getting into before we got married.

If he looked around and saw another couple who was killin’ it and said, “Look at them! Why can’t we be more like them?” Then I would  have been DEVASTATED (and probably started passive aggressively lifting something really heavy to get my angry energy out.) But instead of looking around and comparing us to someone else, he took my whineyness in stride (and laughed rather than getting angry.) It frustrated him, but like I said – he knew what we was getting to before we got married. And even if he doesn’t like that sometimes I’m dramatic in the gym, he celebrates me and he honors the type of relationship we have.

Your relationship is not going to be like anyone else’s. So celebrate the gift that each of you have brought to the table. When you are able to look at your spouse and truly appreciate them for who they are, then you will have the best marriage you know.

Celebrate Your Marriage!