Take Your Time

take your time

I was always one who wanted to grow up too fast. When I was 9, I would play pretend like I was 16 in high school toting around my MUDD satchel. When I was 16, I dreamt of life in college where I could have authentic friendships and study my passions. During college I hoped to meet the man of my dreams and marry him before graduation day. Why? Maybe because this was what my parents did.

But life didn’t turn out like that. I met the man of my dreams, and we both responsibly waited until we graduated (he from graduate school, me from undergraduate) and got married. I’m thankful that my husband led us in waiting until he had a job because if we had gotten married on my timeline, we would have had the ramen noodle newlywed experience. And I can’t eat ramen – it messes with my digestive tract.

We have several friends who are parents of at least one if not 2+ kids. For many of them, their life and conversation revolves around their family. It used to make me feel self conscious and wonder if Mr. M is impatiently waiting until I’m ready to be a mom. You have to understand that in the South – especially in Christian circles – a lot of the women my age are either married or have babies.

Now that Mr. M and I have been married almost a year, the question is more persistent: “So when are the kids coming along?”

I understand that it’s a conversation starter. When we were engaged, people would ask us about the wedding. Now that there’s no wedding, they want to ask about babies. (And yet not many people ask whether I want to go back to grad school or jump into my career. . . ) I used to get so angry. Let us be married! I would want to say. But instead I would just smile and say “Oh in a couple of years!”

Sometimes all of this makes me feel as if we were on a timeline. Mr. M and I would come home from being around babies all night and I would ask him if he wanted to have kids. Recently, he spent 3 nights in a row working in the church nursery where he got peed on, his shirt ripped, and a 2 year old never let go of him the entire night. So he happily says, “Let’s wait a few years.”

Take Your Time

Waiting a few years is not a lot, but it may be enough for us.

It’s important that we take our time – whether it is consideration of children, job changes, or any major life event. Mr. M is calculated in everything he does; I think about it for a hot second, decide that my gut says go and then go. Being in a partnership with him has taught me that it’s OK to be present. It’s OK to focus on today. I can take my time in deciding what I want to be when I grow up. We can take our time in deciding when we want to bless the world with our cute little kids.

It’s OK to take your time.

I recently read somewhere that 30 is the new 18. Millennials are usually 30 by the time they get married, buy a house, and get started in their career. We are living with our parents longer, becoming more educated, and waiting until we do all the “grown up” things the baby boomers did in the 1960s. And that’s OK. The economy is different nowadays. So if it takes a while to land your dream career, do your due diligence in your current job. If it takes a while to decide to get married, embrace what life is offering you right now. And if you take some time to decide when you want to have kids, enjoy your uninterruptible night of sleep and celebrate the time you take with your spouse.

If you spend it watching 7 hours of Netflix, you’re an adult – you get to do that. If you spend your time hustling and chasing your dreams – you get to do that. But let’s all recognize that sometimes hustlers need a Netflix binge.

You get to decide how you spend your life. So if you need some time to reflect before you jump, take your time.